I am no longer dreaming of a White Christmas

As some of you may know, I have relocated to Texas while the rest of the family remains in the frozen North. I generally fly back to Wisconsin every other week, and lately, I have had my fill of winter, thank you very much. As a result, I am no longer Dreaming of a White Christmas.

I am not entirely sure where this whole White Christmas thing came from anyway. Irving Berlin lived most of his life in New York City, and I can assure you White Christmases are reasonably rare having lived there for several years. I can also assure you that no one in their right mind wishes for much of a White Christmas in New York, as everything comes to a complete stand still and chaos ensues for several more days. I once was stranded in new Jersey for four days when they had a highly unusual 18" snowstorm. If anyone in the greater Dallas area wished for a White Christmas they would be committed, as I have never seen a snow plow in all the time I have been down here.

I think the whole White Christmas thing is pure you know what. Irving Berlin grew up in Siberia, and by the 1940s when he wrote White Christmas I can assure you he did not wish he had a Christmas just like the ones he used to know. I have it on very good authority he hated the holiday at any rate. The fact is most people in the US do not enjoy a White Christmas, and are probably not all that sentimental about snow.

As you can probably tell, I am a bit of a grinch, and have no use for the Holiday Nostalgia Rush. As such, I thought I would take a crack at a more sensible version or two of the holiday classic, based on my experiences.

Here's one for all those Florida residents: "I'm dreaming of a White Christmas stuck in traffic in the snow. Where the wheels keep spinning, the weather winning, and I can never seem to make it home."

How about one for Southern California: "I'm dreaming of a White Christmas sleeping on an ugly airport chair. Where the air is smelly, there is no food for my belly, and I might as well be in jail."

Or how about this one: I'm dreaming of a Warm Christmas not like the ones I used to know. Where I can be outside in shirtsleeves, the trees still have leaves, and you'll never hear me say its too cold."

Hey, I like that last one. I think I'll keep it. The majority of folks living in the US don't have a frigid White Christmas, and now I won't have to either. Even though there is no snow and the temperature is in the 50s, I can still enjoy a cold eggnog and a warm toddy too! Happy Holidays!

Now, just don't get me started on "Jingle Bells".